"This is the crooked house that Mia built..."

Relationship with the man you're in love with... Why it sometimes come to an end that you'd want to escape everyway... Day by day, brick by brick you're paving the way to the sad deadlock... pick up the curved walls of your strange-selfish-first-love's drafty house, where can be find everything except the man you need so much... from whom you need everything... right now and exactly in the way as you imagine in your quite skimpy and not very intelligent thoughts... You cannot live without him... and every hour of your life is busy with seeking the way to turn out somewhere near to him... Unconscious and uncontrolled pursuit of the object of desire...

He's at work, and you, as if by accident, find yourself on the next street... It's impossible not to run in for a minute... to talk about nothing... to share all that's important to you, or maybe becomes important only because he stands listening and smiling with his insufferably best smile in the world...

He's in bedroom... Frankly, in the bedroom he shares with his girlfriend, and you, having no rights and because of this even more confidently, walk through this door that is wide open without fear that someone will enter... Because one shouldn't... has no right to intrude... and this "forbidenness" of entering someone's intimate life is so obvious… for everyone except those who had not yet matured enough for banal morality… rapidly freed from tight skin of “teengirls” but still have not become clever and adult… It’s a bit awkward already to spank the one like you… late almost… and it’s too early to explain that your right to do any shameful thing ends there where begins another person’s right not to be the subject of your shameless attacks... brain is sleeping in blind self-confidence that you’re the most intelligent and far more perfect than everyone around...

He's very good this NOTyour Connor... Strange, but it seems that his "goodness" no one wanted to see... And he's quite shy and did not lose the ability to blush when two girl's cheeky eyes armed with big camera lens are making up for themselves a striptease vice versa...

The dressing of a man, quite unexpectedly, can be no less tickling for your sensuality that gets her teeth into everything... no?..

Your gaze is moving down slowly, fixing the pulling up pants, attempts to discreetly fix what should lay in there in a proper way... the zipping up...

You're so engrossed by what you see that even opened your mouth... and spit all the delicacy that is inherent to any person with the most average education...

He's very kind this NOTyour Connor... and did not forget to bring you his camera with help of which one you're making him feel unpleasant and awkward... He brought it for you can learn to dance fixing from outsider's viewpoint the numerous errors in still clumsy movements...

And you're sitting and stupidly do not feel that just right now the one good and honest brick in the house of your relationship was replaced by you with another one... much worse in quality... the one that ready to fall out at the first push jeopardizing the safety of the future wall that you're trying to built...

He's very forgiving... NOTyour Connor... His own not very funny life experience prepared him for not biased judgments... to slowness in making any judgments... He can live for a while as it turns out and not leaving the attempts to hear good in everyone, even if this "everyone" is stepping on his toes and pushing him...

Look, he's trying to turn your indiscretion to joke... Plays up deliberately dabbing scent of his cologne...

(He very much likes to smell good... As good and tasty as he imagines it... and this cologne cost him a considerable price... somewhere at the reasonable limit of his pocket... It's a luxury that he has decided to allow himself compensates the absence of many things and achievements in his life which, in his opinion, he deserves but which, through life coincidence, he managed to miss...)

You tighten the rough stubborn nuts, trying your best to show this guy that you're really cool and satisfy your fine taste is not so easy... especially for him...

Sometimes the girl's stupidity is an unbearable thing to watch... it's not punishable and limitless... what to do with Joanne if she'd allow herself such escapades Connor knows for sure... But from the girlfriend's part it would be only deliberate provocation inviting to the sweat lowering of her on this very bed where you're now sitting and playful banging in return for premeditated feigned "fault"... But you are entirely different subject for him... He, unlike you, is just trying to not forget where it terminates - his right to set limit to your half-childish insolence...

And a couple of slaps that your plump ass has got, it's just a slight remembrance of the fact that you are not matured to male-female interpersonal "retribution", and that this man is still not belong to you...

You're offended... You're turning red and screaming angrily feeling pushed off this very height of coolness and experience on which you lifted up yourself to just right now, pushed off to your old childish almost forgotten corner for punishment...

He's amazing, this NOTyour Connor... and it's such a pity that you cannot see that he's smiling with this unbearably best smile in world, giving you these slight slaps...

It's impossible to brick something good if you're trying to do it on the territory of someone who'd never take part in your bricking by his own will, because he just doesn't need this house...

He's in danger, this NOTyour Connor... Lives and doesn't notice that selfish hulk from clumsy but stubbornly laid bricks is rising up behind his back... It would be great to push him in the back and whisper in the ear: "Spread your little wings and fly away... faraway..." out of here... these are not your people... not your women... not your world... Here you and everyone like you are the highest mark on the highest level of women's achievements... "Men's pants are on chair", which, even if they dropped in here as in stall of ownerless horse, is better than loneliness... If you will disappear, there will be nothing but this... You are their world and their meaning... It's good, isn't it?.. At least, it may flatter the male ego for a while… but beware… You’ll be crossed up without thinking, without hesitating a moment… for the sake of self-assertion, of vanity and banal women's egoism... and this is almost love... At least, one of its numerous crooked faces...

If it's only can be possible to push you in the back with a furry fin... to peck in the little gills, beautiful golden fish... fly... swim... this is not an ocean... not a see... not a river... even not a small stream, which always have where to run out... this is a fish tank... a mysterious place where no one will ever swim... this one is to float... and if in you previous environment you did not become what you want, here you will not become better than you are in any case... Because you ALREADY reached THEIR ideal... They will be beating each other's mugs, shrinking and burning with envy and jealousy... mindlessly making and giving birth to children they don't need... and... be on your guard, air ball... They will be again and again pulling you by the thread until the knot will weaken, and they will not suck all the air that fills you...

There's children in this world... girls... they are chaste… but that doesn't mean that their mind and soul are as spotless as their bodies intact... and that their thoughts are not so clean and girlishly uncertain as it may seem... at least, your little guppy-ward knows exactly what she wants and will be achieving this goal by any means until she’ll get the desired… that is you...

You feel sorry for her... you want to support and help... to instill the belief that she should become better than she are... must break away... swim... because she's already special... and you saw it... with good intentions you're now paving the road to your future personal hell...

to be continued...